Deep thoughts -- March 5, 2003

I was standing against a wall with my best friend Elizabeth Werner. The school was in the country, so the play area consisted of a big field. As I was standing against the wall, there was another wall perpendicular to the wall I was leaning against, so I was shielded from the view of everybody except the kids in the field. In the midst of Elizabeth talking about cheesecake, she all the sudden had a brilliant idea. She dared me, no... she double-dared me to pull down my pants. I thought about this for a minute, and then said something like: "What fo---r---r---r". (I had a problem with my R's and it took many attempts to get my words out right). Elizabeth told me she's do it too. But, I had to go first.

It wouldn't be hard to pull my pants down, because they were elastic at the waste. Remember elastic waste pants? Those were the coolest. I was too skinny too fit into button pants. And even if I was big enough, I'm not sure if I'd want to. Anyway, so my moment of glory came... the feel for freedom that I'd be yearning ever since I was put into a diaper. I have yet to get those diapers off, by the way. With the power of a thousand suns (*and that is a direct quote), I pulled down my pants, heard a little giggle from Elizabeth, and pulled them back up again. I looked at the field to see if anybody saw... and I remember one person was just staring at me while the others were playing tag. I told Elizabeth to do it but she wouldn't. Cheater.

I wasn't worried that someone saw, and cared at the same time. I was really far away from them, anyway. They were all older kids, so they weren't going to pay attention to me . Then a minute later, one of the recess duties came over to me and asked me if I pulled my pants down. (I didn't just pull my pants down; by the way, I pulled down everything). I said yes. Of course I was going to say yes... I didn't yet understand the concept of lying to your superiors. And I'll tell you, that I wasn't normally a trouble maker. I was the one who always got stickers for sitting the quietest during circle time. (Little did they know it was just because I couldn't hear anything from the tumor mass that was taking over my right ear). The recess duty immediately let me know I was in trouble.

Anyway, I walked in the school with the recess duty, bawling my eyes out. Then she told me to sit down in a chair by the bathroom. I remember there were tables by the bathroom. I don't know why... who'd want to sit at a table by the bathroom. So while you're doing your homework, you can smell the deadly aroma of, well... use your imagination. The duty told me to sit down, and left me. I sat there crying for what seemed to be an eternity. I remember teacher by teacher kept passing me as they were going back and forth from their classes to wherever (most likely the refrigerator). Whenever they would pass, they all gave me sympathetic looks. And I took advantage of my crying episode. All I would have to do to keep crying is think about more bad thoughts, like how my mom beats me everyday. I did this so I could get as many sympathetic looks as I could before my eyes were out of juice.

When the duty finally came back, she took me to the office. The only thing they said to me was that I needed to go home and tell my mom what I did myself. Yeah... right. I'd never did do that. Do they really think the kids are gonna tell on themselves? I still wonder if they told her. That's what most teachers do when they say that. They tell the parents, and then the parents wait around to see if the kid tells them like they were supposed to. Really, when you think about it, they are messing with people's minds when they do that. It's really not fair. I'll kill them all.